this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
