Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
