do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
