dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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