if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
