The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
