Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
