my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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