waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
