a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Houston, we have a blender
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
