U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
