I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
