I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
