so explain again why im purple
no
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
