I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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