the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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