Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
