During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
