Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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