Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
