I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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