Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
