when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
