Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
