i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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