My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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