my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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