I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
