Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
