its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
