Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
