I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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