It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
its liver damage thursday
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
