My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
where are you?
Hypothermia
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
