If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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