dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
