i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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