Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
