I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
