yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
