Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
