Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
