I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Who put my cat in the fridge?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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