last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
