Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
