i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
