I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
