in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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