I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
