well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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