I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
