WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
