a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
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